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Get out of there.







Here are all your strategies to establish sustainable “take a break” routines followed by word-for-word scripts and explained what-if’s.

You’ll learn: Negotiating, Networking, Building a brand

The Emotional Stapler

You'll learn: Emotional Availability Proactive Communication

You'll need: a strong relationship with your teacher

Remember when you were in fourth grade and your crazy friend Jamarison would staple himself just to get out of class?

Well, you can’t get away with that anymore, but you still can go to the nurse. 

Going to the nurse can always be a once-a-semester escape plan, but if you want to go regularly, your teacher needs to know you’re regularly stressed and tired.

Downside: That means telling them. Upside: Once you do, all it'll take to leave class is making eye contact with your teacher, and they'll nod back

Have you ever seen a teacher walk up to a student with their head in their desk and ask, “Do you want to go to the nurse?” Those interactions are proof your teacher cares.

All you need to do is take the lead

Problems:

  • "The nurse at my school is an asshole"

The 10 minute walk… 20 minute walk… 2 hour walk…

Skills:  Pitching yourselfComfort under stress

To take a lot of walks during class, your teacher has to know why: they don’t need your whole emotional history and every trauma you’ve been through, but they need visual or verbal cues that you’re stressed, tired, in your feelings, or out of it.

  • Stressed, Tired, Out of it: Head on your desk. Listening to music. Silence. Blank stares. No movement.
  • In your feelings: Rowdy, but a little frustrated. [Say more, but think PA]

How long a walk can you get away with?

  • ADMINISTRATORS/TEACHERS YOU DON’T KNOW WELL: They like a 5 minute walk, can negotiate to 10.
  • TEACHERS YOU ARE CLOSE WITH: 10-15 minutes.
  • BESTIE TEACHERS: As long as you want.

The teacher cannot have everybody leaving class becoming normal. It undermines their authority and, honestly, hurts their feelings. Keep this in mind when you think about how long your walk should be. You might do this naturally: If you’re often stressed, tired, in your feelings, or out of it, match the length of your walk to the intensity of your feelings. 

If you don’t have an emotion or some personal reasons for leaving class, always leave for the same amount of time [link to habits as motivation]. 

If your teacher is hostile to your walks beyond what you think is fair (it’s true, people should generally be in class or the class won’t function—and a dysfunctional class can get your teacher fired) see Salami Tactics further down. 

The Lavatory Mogul 

Networking Comfort under stress Emotional Availability

Going to the bathroom is all about networking. “NETWORKING” is a term that’s thrown around a lot. It means getting to know people who are willing to help you. 

  • If the lunch lady gives you an extra scoop because you smile at her, that’s networking.
  • If a dog runs up to you on the street and you pet it, that’s networking. Next time you see that dog, it’ll pet you again.
  • If your friend works at a burger joint and hooks you up with free fries, that’s networking.

You need to know all the people you might run into on the way to the bathroom, and how they’ll handle the situation:

1. *takes you forcibly back to class*

2. "Go to class!"

Tardiness Culture: ECHS, Not a big deal, but you need to be able to handle these small levels of stress.
Strict culture: New Visions, you need to carry around a massive bathroom pass, staff will get very if you don’t have one.

3. Are you supposed to be in class?

4. *Head nod, smile*

Getting from (1) ⇒ (2) takes HIGH SKILL NETWORKING [link]. Getting from (2) ⇒ (4) is easy: it takes KINDNESS.(2): DON’T JUST BE SILENT.(3): TELL THEM JUST A LITTLE BIT ABOUT YOUR STRESS “I’m [name], I’m a [class year], I have been dealing with a lot of personal issues, so my teacher gave me permission to take a walk.”

  • You don’t need an A1 excuse to get out of class, you just have to show some emotional intelligence. 
    • Real life example if they don’t believe you. 
    • Think about your interaction w/ Mr. O, and how to befriend people like that.
  • Or… the Sherlock Holmes confident walk//the ladder walk
  • The joke: Bring a fake mustache to school

(4): You’ve won, you’ve made it. Make sure you know their name, because that’s the type of person who will fight for you someday [link to “using your teacher network”].

North Carolina bathroom pass. Those are hand grips there. One of their bathrooms has a hole in the wall but their passes are brand new. Priorities!

Hall monitors have a job, but they also have a name. Learn it and say hi, smile, stand upright. They can be your most powerful friends.

The Genuinely Warm and Friendly Teacher

Reqs: A school where teachers are social and many prop their doors open

Skills: Building relationships, Proactive communication

Does your teacher have other teacher friends? Maybe a teacher-teacher (b)romance you ship? 

1. Get out a piece of paper and a pencil. Or walk into a classroom with only a teacher and ask to quietly use the whiteboard (Yes, you can do that [exposure therapy link]). 

2. Choose a class period you really want to miss. Take a quick walk to see what other classes are in session that block, and which teachers are free.

Redraw neater

3. Map your teacher’s friend network. Find friends and neutral teachers with free blocks. 

  • FRIENDS: Ask both teachers for permission to sit in other room to destress.
  • NEUTRAL: Ask the other teacher for permission, and for them to give you a pass. 

4. SCRIPT: “Can I sit quietly in the back of your class when I’m [stressed/overwhelmed/tired] in another one?”

Is there a friend/adult you can ask about where there is a safe space to go?

The library is almost always a safe bet. Librarians are nice, walk in and ask them for a book recommendation. They’ll love you, and they’ll let you sit in the library any time.

“Can I sit quietly in the back of your class when I’m [stressed/overwhelmed/tired] in another one?” 

Nobody can talk to you when you’re on the phone

Reqs: Be okay with breaking rules and telling white lies

Skills: Subversion, Comfort under stress, Proactive communication

This is a tactic to only use when absolutely necessary, but it’s a good one. Nobody will ask you what class you’re supposed to be in when you’re on the phone. You can’t take a phone call every class.

Every school—and every teacher—has different attitudes to phone calls. 

  • Describe SC interaction: when a teacher cares vs. when a teacher doesn’t

The best way to handle a phone call is telling your teacher in advance that you’ll have to take one. You don’t have to specify: “It’s personal” is enough. [Link to “why proactively communicate”]

The Cheese 

Reqs: A very large class or a very inattentive teacher

Skills: Subversion, Comfort under stress

If you told your teacher to their face, “I get up and walk out of your class, then don’t come back for a while. I respect you and what you do, but [school name] as it’s set up isn’t working for me.” What would they say?—Can you handle that confrontation?

Fuck. I was in classes where kids walked out, drove 20 minutes to Dunkin Donuts (both ways), then came back WITH a latte and nobody said shit. 

Those kids will never have a confrontation. The teacher doesn’t have time.

But make sure if you try this, that you’re ready for that confrontation, because if it happens, it’ll hurt your reputation. 

Reputation matters, not for how other people see you, but for your health. When you feel like you don’t belong, or that others don’t trust you, it hurts. You start to care even less and say “fuck you” more. 

Fuck.

What if… you want someone to stop you? ⇩

Nobody cares if I leave.

That sucks, man. The only thing worse than sitting in class is cutting and thinking nobody cares. 

[audio form] “When I used to cut class and leave the building, I saw that teachers that seen me leaving didn’t say a thing to me. They didn’t care because it was one less troublemaker in school, one less stupid Black boy to teach, and one less kid in their class. All of this made their lives easier. You know what used to be funny? These teachers would tell you that if you study hard you could be this or could be that, but they knew that this would not happen to most of us. They lied right to my face and you could tell that they was never honest… My old school was a terrible place to go to. [source]

I can’t adequately respond to this [maybe the 8 min belonging intervention can?]. Needs to be a video with lots of affirmation and practical strategies, with consultations from researchers, therapists, community leaders, etc.

  • Identify a teacher who MIGHT care (signs)
  • Script to ask a teacher to show they care: once a week, send a phone call home.
  • IF they don’t do it, here’s how to find a community that does care (or, we create one — full of students like this and mentors who went through it, or a group call you can join with other people currently cutting class)

The PUZZLE SET

Reqs: Space in the back of the classroom and your favorite board game, chairs that you can get up from quietly

Skills: immaculate vibes

Rural Utah, school is TWO HALLWAYS.

I’m in a Science class, 10 people. 

One is… making noise? 

Pens capping and uncapping, backpack zipping and unzipping, new notebooks coming onto the desk and coming off, there’s a label maker in the mix… Girl has a whole assembly line going. 

Ok. This is disruptive and everyone knows it. With more time in the principal’s office than in class, she knows, too.

—

She does something amazing: gets up, walks to the back of the class, takes a 100 piece puzzle off a shelf, and sits down to do it COMPLETELY SILENTLY.

This is amazing. She ABANDONED the class without disrespecting the teacher or her peers. She needed a break, so she took the break. 15 minutes later, she’s back in her seat.

Desks have rules. They are metal. They are cramped. They make a loud noise when you get up and a little quiet noise when you sit down.

Constrictive physical space hurts your happiness.

But getting up during class is scary. Here are three approaches:

  • Get permission from the teacher before class:
    • Bring in a puzzle.
    • Keep the ask simple, yes/no. If you see hesitation, offer to let the teacher choose a time during class that would be least disruptive.
    • Continue negotiating: Say this is the only time you’ll do it this semester, and that it would be very helpful for your mental health.
    • If the teacher is still hesitant, fall back, finish the puzzle on your own time. The next day, bring in a picture of the completed puzzle with a note like: “I finished the puzzle! I measured my heart rate before and after, and it went from [X] to [y] [link to handbook page on heart rate, breathing strategies, humming, all these tactics]. Afterwards, I was able to complete [assignments for the class]. Also, doesn’t it look pretty?”
    • Try asking again in a week. [add pic]
  • Take the middle ground
    • Ask to sit on the floor and take notes, no puzzle. Follow the same type of negotiating steps.
  • Fuck it. Get up really, really, quietly. 
    • You just gotta commit to that one. Pretend nothing’s happening

Either way, when you become an active negotiator in classroom boundaries, you stop feeling powerless in school. Take this first (scary) step, then push to bigger opportunities [link].

If you don’t like puzzles, bring in literally anything else that’s quiet, chill, and not distracting.

The Long Game — how go without a pass, any time, without asking

Reqs: 

Skills: Building relationships, Pitching yourself

Your valedictorian could toss a frisbee in the hallway during class, and you could get shaken down walking to the library (true story from a school with five police officers and folks getting suspended for bringing guns into class).

The strategy here is REPUTATION MANAGEMENT. Think about the guy running [celebrity’s] media team. [continuing real life example, reach out to people who do this for a living]

OVERALL: ESTABLISH SUSTAINABLE ROUTINE

Watch the teacher’s reaction when you come back from a break, do they notice? Do they give you a look? Try to thread the needle, and if they’re angry with you… [link to how to start a tough conversation with your teacher].

How to make the ask

Just give me a script

  • [raise your hand//make eye contact] “Can I take a [X minute] walk? I’ll come back more focused.”
    • Why do it this way? Short video with answers from teachers, hostage negotiators, etc.
  • Use SEL “brain break” evidence
    • “Movement improves learning and makes you happier AND less anxious, based on academic research.” 
      • Exact quote: “Research shows that movement improves learning and retention, creates positive moods, causes stem cells to divide, lowers anxiety, lessens impulsive behavior, and promotes neuron growth.” Dr. Bill McBride. New York Times.
    • Alison: “Reflective spaces built into class time are game changers. A walk would give me a chance to reflect, which I won’t prioritize at home because I have work to do.”
      • What is reflection? [link]
      • Opportunity to do the research yourself: [writeup]
      • Just give me the evidence: [link]
  • Negotiate: leave your phone. If your teacher knows you’re not leaving just to text, they’ll be more comfortable with leaving. Your teacher’s authority depends on (“hinges on”) them being reasonable [link to classroom management]: When you are reasonable and offer a compromise, they must respect that to maintain the class’s respect. 
  • If you go to an underfunded school (a school that doesn’t have enough money), you can use that as evidence to back up your argument: “I understand that me leaving class is not a perfect solution to my stress and tiredness, but I don’t have access to other resources. Our student-counselor ratio [hover text explaining this] is X and… [personal example, eg. “I don’t even know the social worker’s name”]. This break would be really helpful.”
  • Are you missing a lot of class time because of your breaks? Are you falling behind? [how to learn faster]
    • Leverage teachers, leverage online resources, and leverage friends (giving them “how to make tutoring stand out as an EC on your application’)
  • Are you too anxious to leave? Try building up to it in small steps. Step one, go to the grocery store and buy an avocado. Step two, ask a friendly teacher to use their whiteboard for five minutes after school. Draw a giraffe in the corner and don’t erase it. Slowly do more and more scary, but completely fine tasks: full list [link to exposure therapy].
    • I grew up watching this kid, Nalen, walk out of computer science class two minutes into the block, every day. Most of the class was group work, so he didn’t miss much. One day I asked him where he went and he said, nowhere. He wasn’t a genius who didn’t need to be there: it was his first honors class. Maybe he wanted to stay, but I wanted to leave, just for a few minutes, one day. So I did. I was worried about offending the teacher, but leaving wasn’t an attack on her, it was for me and my well-being. I started leaving more often, never like Nalen, but for 10 minutes, then 15, then 10 minutes in other classes, too. I got happier.

Salami Tactics

Salami-ing something means making progress on it the way a butcher cuts salami: one tiny slice at a time. Salami Tactics are used by politicians, armies, and anybody trying to establish a new normal. For you, that means taking a one minute water break from class on the first day of school, then a two minute break on the second week, then a three minute break on the second month.

  • SAY WHAT’S IN IT FOR THEM:
    • You are less of a class disruption.
    • They don’t have to manage you.
    • Brainstorm: What other reasons might your teacher want a break from you?

Active Listening

  • Make the ask with EYE CONTACT and GOOD POSTURE, WITH YOUR NORMAL TONE OF VOICE, even if you are so tired/stressed/ you can only maintain that for a second
  • This needs to be built into an interaction 101 type beat

Absolute Musts

THIS ALL WORKS SO MUCH BETTER IF YOU COME ON TIME (Take one indulgence a class, and don’t take the same indulgence in every class [reputation link])

  • Also, like, don’t abuse this in classes where you don’t like the teacher.

ALWAYS COMPROMISE: Remember puzzle girl? She used to be way more hostile in classes, other kids hated it, the teacher hated it, and she was unhappy, too. This puzzle set is her compromise, but that doesn’t mean it’s yours. You have to find your own middle ground. Maybe your sibling gets away with everything and your parents will yell at you if you blink. You’re never going to be as lucky as your sibling, but you can push for a little less strictness. Here’s a fun compromise: (https://www.youtube.com/shorts/nBBKf56oKcwTom Segura video

)

You can be the kid with headphones who leaves two minutes into class, or you can be the kid who smiles at the teacher and pops into the back of the cafeteria, daps up the lunch lady, and gets a free burger. [link to school lunch]. 

What to do if teacher is hostile/says no

  • out argue them, then be the first to extend olive branch [link to winning word fights]
    • tactic: don’t say “I’m not”
    • level tone
    • eye contact
  • use a little truth, you can be a little emotionally open without crossing your fear/boundaries
  • Listen: 
    • SAY: “What are your concerns about me [taking a walk]?” 
    • DO NOT SAY: “Why not?”
    • REALLY DON’T SAY: “Why the FUCK not, biiiiiiiiiiiii—”